When fear comes to town

Seemingly fear is an unavoidable thing. It comes to town when it will and it can really throw you for an emotional spin when it does. Fear can so often seem an abstract concept, portrayed in suspense movies, horror movies, good novels and regularly on our TV screens.

We see fear pedalled by politicians to manipulate, or at least attempt to, the people they hope to have vote for them. For some fear though, is a daily reality. It’s a reality as you make your way through your day as a person that is considered other by the so called general population of the societies in which we inhabit.

Most of the time I feel largely thankful to be living in Melbourne a city that overall is tolerant, accepting and protective of difference. Most of the time, I can walk my experience of daily living with fear kept at bay. I am genuinely thankful for that. I don’t know that I would have had the courage to come out as trans and walk this journey if I didn’t live where I live. It is a positive place, in comparison to others, to be LGBTQIA+.

Of course though it’s not perfect and vigilance is incredibly important to keep oneself as safe as possible. Because bigotry and hate are always present somewhere, even if only in pockets, and the stock in trade of both of those paradigms is the peddling of fear.

Very much in Australia at this time, this vigilance is imperative. I wake up each day and find that the so called civil debate about Marriage Equality is far from civil. I hear current and former politicians debating whether I should be afforded the same rights as they themselves enjoy. I hear so called civil debate calling in to question the legitimacy of my existence as a transgender person. It’s an extremely difficult time to navigate.

The vigilance that one has is increased. Former leaders of mainstream political parties use my very existence as an example of how marriage equality will somehow mark the end of life as we know it. If it wasn’t actually so serious it would have an element of dark humour.

Today I sat in a suburban shopping centre having a quiet coffee. Thinking of not much other than the list of things I needed to get at the supermarket when I finished my coffee. Of course my hyper vigilance was also turned on, because it just has to be, it can’t really ever be turned off. Because the ugly fear element of the world might just come crashing in. Or it might even just look like it is going to come crashing in.

As it happened, it didn’t come crashing in, but as I sat with my coffee, the potential of it to come crashing in, came crashing in. Two young men came and sat at the table next to me. The place was largely empty so the fact that they chose that table in itself raised warning bells for me. These two young men, most likely innocent enough, but in my imaginations and fear I read them, due to the tone of their voices, the way they spoke with each other, as, I guess, kind of Alpha Male types.

I was suddenly thrust into what seemed to me legitimate and real fear. So many thoughts came crashing in.

• Am I safe
• Why did they choose to sit next to me, must be to intimidate me
• Will they follow me.
• Are they whispering about me
• The laughs must be about me

Just a few little examples of the thoughts that can come crashing in, which as a member of a minority that doesn’t have equal rights, one seems to have no defence against. They do just come crashing in, because, yes, the fear comes crashing in.

I suspect that as an autistic person that I perseverate on this more than a non autistic person would, but in the climate of public debate that is occurring in the public realm of my home country and community that is currently in process, my bubble of safe Melbourne doesn’t feel quite so much a safe little bubble at the moment.

When your legitimate existence and your human rights are the daily stock in trade of the public debate, then fear comes crashing in.

Fear that the public bigotry and hate will give tacit permission for a physical expression of that fear and hate. And yes we have in fact seen this in vandalising of houses flying the Rainbow flag and Yes voters for marriage equality physically beaten up.

Yes at this time in my normally safe feeling little bubble, unfortunately fear has come crashing in.

We must vote yes and defeat this fear and hate and work to equality for all. That all people, regardless of gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity whatever are equal before the law and have the same rights and protections before the law as every other human in the society does.

Yes it’s a vote for Marriage equality, absolutely but it’s also very much a vote against hate, bigotry, discrimination and a vote for a better safer society to be a part of.

Vote yes for a better future for all.