It’s a good thing to be an ally…

Minority communities need allies, there is really no question about that. It’s a thing we need. I need allies that are neurotypical and non autistic when it comes to autistic issues, and I need allies that are not LGBTQIA+ when it comes to trans and sexuality issues.

This is not really news, but, the thing is, there are plenty of so-called allies out there who are actually pretty shit allies. They make their being allies, being all about all the wonderful good things they are doing to support people. This happens even to the point of claiming any blowback they receive for being an ally as oppression in it’s own right.

To be totally clear I am thankful to the allies I have, I appreciate their support, friendship, standing in the gap for me, whatever it is they do to support me.

To also be totally clear, that doesn’t make them a member of the oppressed community for which they are an ally. A good ally, a real ally, never makes it about themselves and what they may or may not go through in order to perform that role as an ally. To do so, is, well, it’s just really fucked up. It’s like saying you deserve something special just for doing the right thing.

My thinking about this in the last day or so has resulted from some discussions online where a so-called ally, appropriated the A in the LGBTQIA+ to mean ally. When they were corrected and told that no it doesn’t mean that at all but it refers to Asexual or ACE people. The response was to say no I and a number of others were totally wrong and to right out in their post in full words the acronym as they saw it “lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, intersex, allies”.

Myself and others, attempted what I thought to be a reasonably respectful response, that stated simply that no it really doesn’t mean that at all, it is a representative letter for Asexual people, and that allies are not an oppressed minority.

From here the thread kind of exploded, when the said so-called ally, provided us with a treatise of how “you people” should be thankful for all the shit they had to put up with for being a good ally. Essentially they made a several paragraph rant where they showed exactly why they were not a good ally at all. Why in fact they were all about themselves and that their acts of allyship were like good works for ‘those people’.

So without going in to it too much more, because others have written so much more and better than I on this issue. For me the big take away on this is just a couple of thoughts.

If being an ally becomes about the good things you do, the difficulties you encounter, and the blowback you receive, and you spend time telling the people you are supposed to be an ally to that you put up with these things for them, well you’re not being a good ally, you’re being a shit ally.

The second thought, is, that if you need to be seen as an ally, have status by being an ally, gain kudos as it were for being an ally, and that in doing so, your actions silence and erase the voices of those communities you are supposedly an ally for, then you’re not being a good ally, you’re being a shit ally.

Allies are really important. We wouldn’t be were we are in fighting and gaining equal rights if we didn’t have them. Good allies are brilliant and helpful to oppressed and minority groups of people.

If you want to be an ally, don’t be a shit ally and make it about you, be a good ally, and make it about equality, equity and justice. You could start by reading this piece

Allies are important, just don’t be a shit one, be a real one.