Autistic space – it might be magic.

The majority of the world is not autistic space. From shopping centres to court rooms, from school playgrounds to classrooms, from office buildings to cinemas most of the world that humans inhabit could not be considered autistic space.

The world at large caters for and therefore creates spaces that are tolerable, palatable, and preferred by those of the non autistic neurological state of being. A generalisation, for sure, but it has a fair degree of truth to it.

My journey through life has most certainly been a varied one, it has contained many twists and turns, which, I would never have predicted, and yet here I am, sitting in a local cafe, typing words that for some people have meaning, for some people, have beauty, but for me, are somehow just a part of me, a part of me that flows out, that I hope has something to say to those they reach.

Life is full of moments. Some of those moments are incredibly instructive. Some are just moments that pass by without consequence, some are moments that we need to grasp hold of and turn them into moments of significance that can spark change, or at least that you hope will spark change. And some moments, are so instructive, so influential, so life-changing they can’t just be allowed to roll on past, it’s not possible to miss them, you don’t need to grasp on to them and turn them into significant catalysts for something special they just are.

As a late to diagnosis autistic adult, most of the moments of life for me, were encountered with a frosted over view, an attempt at making sense of them through a lens that was undoubtedly autistic, but which I had been trying to make non autistic. Another way of saying, I guess, that I was a great pretender. It wasn’t really until my late 30's that I truly started to investigate the idea that I might be autistic. I talked with people, I read stuff, I did online tests. I eventually came to the conclusion that it was pretty likely that I was in fact autistic, I had taken a step towards identifying and accepting that reality.

Of course there were faltering along the way, times of denial, of internal ableism about my own neurology. By this time I already had two officially diagnosed children, and I was absolutely of the attitude when it came to supporting them that they were different not less and those that worked with them, for them etc, must see that, they must get along side my beautiful daughters and seek to understand where they were coming from, they must do this because everything they did, or didn’t do, if you got alongside them made sense to them, it had logical coherence when it was considered from their perspective.

Then came the next step for me, which was moving beyond self identifying and onward to an official identification against the official criteria interpreted by someone with the official skills to do so. To be clear, I have no issue at all for people who self identify themselves as autistic, if this is done, in such a way they have vigorously asked the questions of themselves and considered what the literature says. There is no issue for me with self-identification, provided that identification is not a whim and is vigorously considered.

For me, I second guessed my own interpretations, I self-doubted my own insight into myself, I doubted even my partners clear belief that my own thoughts were correct. In short, I couldn’t trust my own self identification process and required some confirmation.

So what does this all have to do with autistic space?

Well quite a lot if you bear with me. After a period of denial and feeling sad and sorry for myself upon receiving my official identification, I became able to accept my autisticness. It was as if, I flicked a switch and suddenly, accepting that this reality of my neurological way of being was ok, and not broken, not wrong, not to be fixed. I had spent a number of months in a sense of personal dissonance, in that, whilst I had been Pro neurodiversity with my children, I had not been with myself.

Once I flicked that switch internally and moved into acceptance, suddenly, almost instantly it was as if a veil, a cloud, a thick fog, a pair of glasses with frosted glass had been removed. Suddenly so many things became clear. So many things, it is quite difficult to even make a list of just how many.

Why it was, I found it so hard to make friends, why it was that I had not been able to make employment work successfully, how it was that anxiety had played such a role. Even things like understanding how I could be in an environment and suddenly, without any sense of knowing why, but I would become overwhelmed to the point I needed to drop everything and get out.

A new understanding of why I would be often interpreted as being negative or critical when in my mind all I was doing was being accurate or factual.

So many things, suddenly clicked into place in my internal consciousness and I was no longer broken, useless, somehow wrong but simply I was different to the majority of those around me.

Coming into the light of these realisations was only the first step. Connecting with others and discovering autistic space is like that realisation to the nth power. Autistic space can happen in a range of ways, in online spaces and offline spaces.

The first time one experiences autistic space is transformative.

I have had the privilege of being a part of both experiencing that first time myself, and I have been privileged to see others experience it for the first time themselves. It is a thing of wonder. It is a thing of joy. It is a thing of transformation, self-acceptance, I would almost go as far as to say enlightening.

It really is a space where the magic can happen. Where autistic people ignite a spark within them of self-belief, self-acceptance, and, begin to change the way in which they see themselves and their potential and value in their place in the world they inhabit.

It does need to be said, though, that a big conference with a quiet room and some autistic speakers, is not autistic space. Even when those things are done with respect and concern to make autistic people feel comfortable and that their sensory needs are considered. That is not autistic space, it is autistic friendly space but it is not autistic space.

Autistic space happens, when a space is created that not only accepts autistic needs but incorporates them in such a way that an autistic person does not feel compelled to conform to non autistic norms, if you like, to put on an non autistic mask.

Autistic space happens when the autistic way of being is the norm of the space. Where it is safe to express your autisticness without fear of negative reaction and consequence from the non autistic members of the space.

Autistic space happens when either autistic or non autistic people create such a space. You know it is autistic space you are in. It’s not necessarily something you can explain but you feel it, and you feel it somehow to the very core of your being.

I recall the moment I knew I was in autistic space, real autistic space for the very first time. I was engaging in something of a monologue, and for what felt like the very first time ever, I experienced a sense that my tribe were with me, listening to my words, not interjecting to fill the moments of silence, almost hanging on the words that fell from my lips. Suddenly, my need to constantly check myself, to consider if I was going on about something and boring the hell out of them was redundant. I looked around the room to see my tribe nodding, to see faces that understood and empathised with my experience. Most of all, I felt safe, free and able to be the person I really was, and not just the public face I showed to the world.

Autistic space is that place, where, the autistic person is free to be the person they are. It’s that place where as an autistic, you feel the power of connection to your tribe, where it matters not, if you are a newly identified member of the autistic tribe, or a senior statesperson of that tribe. You are safe, accepted and celebrated, you are included and valued in a special and magical way that many of us, don’t experience in any other places we inhabit.

Yes, autistic space, it’s where the magic can happen, where autistics can be their best, where non autistics are welcome guests and contributors and because of this space, non autistics can gain an insight into the autistic experience that is not possible through interviews, surveys, therapy sessions, parent meetings or whatever.

Yes AUtistic space. It’s where the magic happens.